Writing In Process…

I was listening to a podcast (Sheila Gregoire, Episode 225) this week and she spoke of how so often when christian people go public and/or write, it’s when they’re going through the midst of highly emotional [often abusive or traumatic] events. She begs us to consider “How much of the evangelical [specifically self-help or how-to’s] literature that is written to women was really women in difficult situations trying to make sense of it (and not being able to)? … And so they’re trying to process it and the only recourse they have is just to say: this can’t matter to me. I need to love God more and change my expectations.*.

Oof. She really hit the nail on the head. I see this everywhere, books written during the process rather than after. Is it wrong? Not always. But when books are printed, you’re sealing those places that likely should be walked through first. Wisdom often comes on the other side.

I would apply this caution to all christian authors, not just women. We’ve watched a pastor write how-to books, claiming his way is God’s way (I’ve learned to be wary when a man believes he is God’s voice to others, very different from a humble teacher prophesying or ministering God’s Word), from sermons he wrote that were based on current events in his life, or from the lives of those around him that he uses to create a desired narrative or outcome for self gain. One wise person said to me once: when a pastor starts to write books, it’s the beginning of his exit [qualifications, life goals, even gifting]. This resonated with me and serves caution. It’s obviously not always the case. It seems that the books I find to be less in-the-moment, for lack of better word, are written by those who have settled into the after, and are on the other side of their experiences.

Even as I consider this blog, I often cringe at the idea of people going back and reading old material, things that have simply changed with growth, or were sugar-coated and/or disingenuous during a traumatic time of my life when I was trying to protect things other than the truth. When my experiences were active, they had not instilled wisdom yet. I often consider going back to edit, but also feel a certain kinship to that girl, not wanting to erase her but rather go back and reflect and see her how far God has brought us. Sometimes I consider starting a new blog, leaving the old in a good place – while only inserting the new. But I’m sure – I hope! – that I will change yet as I grow, and before I know it, these days will be those old, obsolete things. Ha!

In a later podcast Sheila speaks of her choices to edit her older books after she realized she’d been wrong. She says: without public admission of change, you lack integrity (paraphrased) or real repentance. I agree completely. It’s where visible humility and transparent testimony reflects Light and Truth; a changed heart and growth. Equally, when we try to hide our past mistakes, we are living in darkness and a false image of life (and God). And we are leading, intentionally or not, people astray. I’ve had to repent for false theology I’ve followed that may have hurt others. It is because of this that James in the Bible speaks very cautiously about the responsibility of those who teach, no? Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. (James 3:1) Jesus speaks very harshly to those who let His lambs, His Church, struggle. Or who distort His Word. I, for one, know I am continually growing – which means I could have easily led someone wrong in the past. That’s sobering and humbling, and keeps me from assuming more than I should, or telling others how to be.

When my life has gone through larger challenges, I get quiet here. If you’ve been with me for a long time, you will have noticed it. It is on the other side of the event that I come to reflect and share. This has really been an important step for me because, tho’ writing is my outlet (and I do so often on scrap paper I can then make disappear), I want to be honest, careful to not lead others into my wrong views when I have them. I am keenly aware that I’m often wrong – especially in a moment of passion. My silence here even a couple of years ago gave credibility to our family and was a necessary part, we realize retrospectively (key point), as part of God’s plan in the process.

Someone said it best: “Before I could get to help/health, I had to understand my story.” I can’t share health and safety if I’m not healthy or safe myself.

When someone writes more permanent literature in the midst of trauma (or wrong theology or pride), our cognitive dissonance betrays us and others. They lead wo/men down a path of darkness. I don’t want to ever do that. My raw, unfiltered moments aren’t for here – let alone any book that may be published and forever be accessible by someone.

Which really is a good segue into another blog I’ve written that will be published shortly, Burn the Ships, coming next.

I’m thankful to God for friends that allow me to brain-dump and process – often incorrectly – while going through the struggles. They help lead me to Jesus and mercifully change my wrong thinking. They love me through these things, and we all come out stronger, wiser, kinder. More grace-filled and grateful. Empathetic witnesses are an important part of everyone’s life and growth, and I recommend finding some of yours!

One of my goals for Spring of 2024 is to make sure our ‘what if’ (rather, WHEN) plans are in order and current. You know, making sure the littles are safe and secure and not uprooted more than necessary, that the farm is semi protected, expenses covered as best as we can foresee, and the big kids have as little as possible to deal with outside of processing the loss (gain!). We want to be good stewards, which means being as kind and easy on those we leave behind when it happens. This is the boring work that so often we all just neglect, am I right? Well, related I promise, I pulled down the box from the dusty shelf of memorabilia from my teenage years when Scott and I were distance-dating and writing daily. It’s been 25 years now, and I don’t remember what’s in there. And I don’t want any weird surprises for our kids if they happen upon it and we aren’t around. Thankfully, I didn’t have to toss anything – whew! Actually, it reminded me how much I adore my man, and how kind and good he is, and what a beautiful soul he has always had.

What kind of legacy in writing are you leaving? What are you not only teaching others in your daily lives, but have you left for them to learn from you? What do you want as your permanent record of testimony and teaching? I’m not afraid to teach or share because of all of this caution, but I’m sure more humble and ready to repent than I was back in my younger years when I always thought I was right, and definitely cautious about book-writing and/or internet influencing! A good reminder to develop relationships above platforms!

Please Jesus, help us speak Life and Love.

*Here is where I want to encourage you consider that what you’re going through may not be normal. Sometimes “self talk” betrays you, and you need to get help. Your struggles do not shape the identity of who you are, or who others who hurt you are, so don’t hesitate or be afraid to admit flaws or trouble. With getting help, everyone has potential to grow and heal that wouldn’t have otherwise. Not everyone will be willing. But be honest about where you are, and get help if outside counsel agrees it is not normal. Rely on others’ wisdom that may be able to see more clearly than you when you’re in the midst of a storm. Possibly beyond your assumed community. God will provide people who see you, believe you, and will help.