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Purpose

No matter your “plan”, or where your life takes you – No matter how far you stray from what you expected – there is *always* purpose. Thank God!

“Kepler began making observations of the heavens in the late 1500s. He desperately wanted to be a minister, but he had terrible financial problems that forced him to accept a job as a teacher instead. While he taught, he studied the heavens, hoping his observations would bring glory to God. In a particularly revealing letter, he wrote, “I wanted to become a theologian. For a long time, I was restless. Now, however, behold how through my effort God is being celebrated in astronomy” (Scientists of Faith, Dan Graves, Kregel Resources, 1996, p. 49).”

Honeymoon stage.  A term we hear often.  But I think we shouldn’t, and here’s why…

I recently read John Macarthur’s Found: God’s Will.  It speaks quite a bit about being filled with the Holy Spirit.  About how we, as christians, often ask for strength, etc, in our prayers that we already have.  That the Holy Spirit doesn’t come in ebbs and flows, but rather lives within us always.  When those “ebbs” come, they tend to be when we’ve neglected our Bibles, or have grown comfortable in our own mundane patterns, forsaking or quenching the Spirit.  When we stop giving and seeking.

Parallels.

I used to be afraid that the pitter patter of my hearts desires toward Scott would wane.  That they were built on emotions that would subside in time.  That our life would become so patterned that we’d fall into periods of lulls in our relationship.  That the emotional high that came with loving Scott would dissipate.  Just as the Holy Spirit is in me forever, my marriage is forever.

Sure, our lives have had many seasons of slow, with mediocre routines and contentedness, if you will.  But it never applied to our marriage.  Our goal has always been more.  More sharing, more caring, more giving… more.

I used to feel guilty and psycho-analyze why we never lost that “honeymoon stage” that people – even christians – said most assuredly always ends.  I used to think that the reason ours stayed vibrant was because I knew Scott had this looming medical issue that left our relationship so intensely purposeful.

Maybe it was true.

“Someone is walking on the water!” Sure enough, with robes flowing in the wind, here came Jesus, walking arose the whitecaps.

Peter cried out, “Is that You, Lord?”

The Lord answered, “Yes, it is Me.”

Peter said, “Can I come out to You?”

You may wander why Peter said that.  Why didn’t he wait in the boat till Jesus got there?  But that wouldn’t have been like Peter.  He said to himself, “Jesus is over there.  I am over here.  That is not good.  I must go over there.”  It never entered his mind that normally he was not able to walk on water.  That was not even a problem.  When he saw Jesus, he had such a desire to be with Him that he went.

Knowing full well that he is a flawed man that isn’t perfect by any stretch, I want to share my all with Scott.  My longing is for him.  I adore him completely.  I admire him and respect him.  And I’m blessed beyond measure to be the mother to his children, his wife and lover.

Perhaps it was the more obvious reminder (his health) that he may not always be here with me…  Anymore, though, I don’t believe that is why we are still in the honeymoon stage.  Instead, I give all thanks to God, for I believe He has given us the blessing of constant desire for each other.  Just as He gives us perpetual desire for Him.  Never waning if we allow Him to bless us so.

I challenge you: Consider that God’s desire is for your relationship to be in the “honeymoon stage” all of life long.  Consider accepting that the stage of fresh adoration for your wife/husband may be a life long possibility.

As a marriage is an emulation of Christ and the church, there is no room for finding any amount of comfort in accepting less.  Just as being filled with the Holy Spirit can (should) be perpetually exciting or advancing personally if we allow Him to work in us constantly, so ought a marriage.

How does a Spirit-filled life express itself?  “In psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the father.” (Eph. 5:19-20)

That sounds pretty honeymoon-like to me!  What utter joy to follow my Savior!  What a witness to the world a church is who has fervor for it’s God!  Just as the church and christian individuals should be set apart from the world, so should our marriages be!

Sure, we’re going to fight.  There will be grumpy times.  There will be frustrating times.  But they won’t characterize our marriage.  What will?  The honeymoon stage, Lord willing.

I no longer fear that our marriage will end up stuck in a rut.  Just as I no longer fear that the fire that started in my heart for my God will die.  I don’t fear because God promises He is faithful and rewards those who earnestly seek Him (Heb. 11:6, Jeremiah 29:13, James 1:5 come to mind).  And I truly believe God means for marriage to be more than mundane – even thriving, joyous, and, well, honeymoon-like.

If my fervor wanes, or discontentment arises, it is by my own fault (and wrong).  We pray often that neither of us will allow that in our marriage.  We pray that we will always be on fire for each other.  That we will never allow our relationship to wander or drift.  That life never gets so ‘big’ that we lose track.  That we will always allow Christ to be our center.  That our marriage may be a good testimony of God’s unending love, and a light to the world.

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Today we celebrate 15 years of marriage.  Fifteen years of change.  Of hurt, anger, pain, fear, excitement, joy, peace…  But most importantly, love.  Lasting love.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. – 1 Corinthians 13:2

It is by God’s grace and mercy that we celebrate this day.  Earlier this year we weren’t sure we’d be on this earth together for this anniversary.  But truly, we still do not know the days we will have together, for life is fleeting.  Celebrate every day.  And please, I urge you, never give in to the “norm”.  Don’t quench your marriage.  Cultivate it continually.  Honor and praise God in your life-lasting honeymoon with your spouse!

Not What Is Easy

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Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. – Romans 12:17-21

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. – Proverbs 10:9

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. – Luke 6:32-42

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:31-32

A Chapter Closed

We sold the old farm!

This. Is. HUGE.

Our God is an awesome God!

In a seemingly impossible situation with our old property, He gracefully allowed us to hit our knees in defeat and re-give our all to Him, reminding us to trust in Him completely.  Not in todays “rights”.

In order to rent the house or sell the property, we had some hurdles to overcome that would require some amount of legal action, so we were sitting stuck.  After a lot of prayer (and admittedly, crying), council from my family and church, we decided to not pursue it, even at the detriment of us being potentially “trapped” into paying that old mortgage potentially forever, our property being damaged and losing value daily.

“If you’re in God’s will, it will be the best possible outcome.”  ~ Pastor Scott.

Truth!

And so we let go, trusting Him to give us what was needed to continue on peacefully.  What a relief!  Tho’ nothing had changed as far as our circumstances, our hearts softened, and we chose to live the words we know to be truth; God will provide (Phil. 4:19).  Even if our circumstances have to fall apart.

Listen folks, God is faithful. He is a mighty and awesome God. And tho’ circumstances will not always go the way we want them to, He WILL take care of us if we let Him.  And He wants our ALL.

The NEXT DAY we received an offer. 

When we got the offer, it did not require a typical Water Flow Test or our septic to be pumped (just inspected), together which would have been over $750.  It did not require a Road Maintenance Agreement or perimeter fencing, both which renting (and most selling options) would require, neither feasible.  And because they were not going through a finance company, it didn’t see the ancient mobile home – tho’ updated and lovely – as the detriment it was for any “normal” purchase.

The new buyers wanted to close in as soon as ten days.  What ended up taking 24 days from offer to close, yesterday it became theirs officially!  The day we would have owed the second half of the years property taxes.  The day before we owed another mortgage payment.  The timing of everything has been so impeccable throughout this journey.

Yesterday morning, we CLOSED on our old property! Our debt has been relieved, our investments paid off, and a huge weight lifted!

People have asked “What are you going to next?”  Our answer: Live as peacefully as possible.  We are looking forward to a few months of quiet before the next big thing, whatever and whenever it may be.

We prayed that this situation would be a blessing to my parents, (neighboring the old property), and that it will continue to be beneficially both logistically, as well as relationally. The new neighbors seem like lovely folks!

We can’t help but hold a very warm place in our hearts for them and their investment into our lives, which have blessed us SO!

What is love?

What is love?  Baby, don’t hurt me… no more!  ~ the Haddaways, early 90′s

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There are a lot of cute meme’s going around the internet about how much love should feel good.  It always itched me the wrong way when people said this.  It just didn’t seem right.

Does someone not love you if their actions don’t feel good?  I’ve always felt secure in love, even when actions “spoke” against it.  Am I too confident in love?

I went to the Bible.  Well, in this case, the Bible came to me!  Our pastor did a sermon on LOVE a few weeks ago.  It was a real eye opener.  I’d encourage you to listen to it here.

There are several kinds of love, Eros, Storge, Phileō, and Agapaō.  Some of them are “feel good” loves.  Some are longer lasting.  All are love.

Longer lasting love does not depend on feelings or behavior.  Our Savior loves us with this love.  Nothing we can do or say will take that away.  No painful actions on our part will remove His love for us.  It’s unconditional.

I want to love like that.

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As one could expect, life (and almost death) at OHSU really changed me.  As I write this blog, I’m reminded of lines from my entry, Saga XVI: Anointing, where I said:

Our faith could not waiver just because it doesn’t go the way we want to, if it must end [to us] horribly.  I remember worrying that the thousands of people watching Scott’s story may lose heart if Scott died.  I wanted to reassure them.   I remember feeling urgency, like I had to tell them now that God is good, even in the bad.  To explain that we cannot base our faith on what we want and feel.

God created this Universe.  He has the power to alter any aspect of it He chooses.  He doesn’t always choose rainbows and unicorns for us.  Does that mean, if Scott would have died (or even that we had to go through that), that He doesn’t love me – that His actions were “mean” therefore unloving?   Continue Reading »

This past week we’ve been busying it up in the kitchens!

Here are a few things that we’ve been making, both to offer to customers, and some for stocking our own apothecary and cellar.  All excellent ideas holiday sharing!

propolis

raw propolis

Propolis.  Dubbed Russian Penicillin by many, it’s pretty magical.  It’s antiseptic, antioxidant, antimicrobial, antifungal, anti-inflammatory…  Good for pain relief, hair, nail and dental health, blood booster…  It’s rich in amino acids, bioflavonoids, minerals and vitamins….  The list goes on a while.  It isn’t magic, really, but is a healing powerhouse.  Read this link about some of it’s touted benefits or Google others.  It’s pretty awesome.  But yeah, there are plenty of websites about plenty of magical potions that will solve all of life’s problems, right?  I know, I know.  But in this one I’m a believer.  I’ve seen it at work personally on some pretty nasty flesh wounds, and when healing some pretty intense internal ailments.

Propolis itself is a red or brown resin used to fill crevices and to seal and varnish honeycombs.  It is a natural byproduct of honey production.  It is not mass produced, but rather scraped off in small portions from hives at harvest.  It’s (rock solid) gold.  And very hard to get your hands on unless you have a hive of your own.  Even then, it’s hard to get enough to satisfy your desires!

I was lucky enough to score some raw, local propolis from (now if not before!) my favorite bee keeper ever.  She was super generous, and so I’ve been able to make rather large, shareable batches of both tincture and oil.  And so I’ve gathered my supplies (scale, jars, ingredients) and have put up a 20% tincture, and am starting some propolis oil for salves and toothpaste.

One thing I found online that I think we’ll try our hand at soon?  Black tea and honey lollies with propolis.  Great for the winter season for boosting the immune system and soothing roughed up throats!

propolise in it's tincture liquid... moments later

propolis in it’s tincture liquid… moments later already turning golden

Next up: We’ve made large batches of both Essence Spice and Pumpkin Pie Spice, as well as some of your favorite tea blends from Preserving the Harvest, our homestead.  Find us on Facebook or Etsy!

Saga XVIII: June 4th

Noon, June 4th: We are missing music in this place. So one day we decided to turn the radio on and found out that we simply can’t listen to anything.

1pm: We’ve been spending more time in Scott’s room today than we could yesterday. The atmosphere is more peaceful and less chaotic. First time in days and days. His fever is down. He hasn’t bled. He’s sedated. They started giving him IV nutrition today. He’s been without food since he came. This gives me so much relief. His numbers are looking good. The liver team is pleased.

We’ll be watching lungs as they’re showing signs of aspiration yesterday morning, which could lead to pneumonia, and has given some breathing difficulties (all manageable). He’s on antibiotics now, which should help stay on top of that.

We just giggled in his room. It feels good to laugh.

And then just like that, I see his numbers rise, and the pain in my chest instantly comes back. As quickly as numbers rise oh so slightly, they head back to normal. The nurse doesn’t seem to flinch. All is well.

Reminding myself to think on what is TRUE. Right now. Breathe in the good news. Live in the moment.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matt. 6:34

3:30pm:  We’ve added a medicine to Scott’s allergy list (and out of his IV!) since it may be the cause of some of his high blood pressure & pulse because of delirium (he was hallucinating on it last weekend – I thought that was expected…).

His fever is still around, but being managed well.

Nurse just said: “He’s doing better than this morning”.

Beautiful words.

He’s still very, very, very sick. But good news is awesome.

I forgot to mention that he’s struggling with excess fluids. They gave him a diuretic that is helping relieve this.

11pm, from Sarah: Trying to have a little fun near the tram.

Summer is super duper afraid of heights. Who knew?

Baby steps- Going to make Sum ride it tomorrow.

riding the tram

checking out the tram

11:30pm: Hopefully last update of the evening: Scott’s body is still really roughed up, and we’re still not out of the woods even. That said, he seems to be slowly and steadily improving.

There was no bad news or craziness today at least! It was pretty event-free. Sarah & I haven’t really gone anywhere on campus the last 12 days, so we explored a little bit today.*

Since Scott is sedated, we’re trying to get as much rest as we can so that we’re rip roar’n ready for when he’s ready to be awake and workin’ again – Right?! As for tomorrow, he’ll probably sleep all of it.

They did do an ultrasound today – and will each day – and it proved the shunt to be open and good. They also checked his legs and found some small clots that they’ll watch. They probably are there because he’s not up and around.

Still nervous to say he’s recovering. They still won’t call him “stable”, but he’s alive, and his numbers are heading in the right direction.  And he’s got to get better.

*I remember, after over a dozen days of being indoors, stepping outside and feeling a breeze. And noting how much I didn’t realize I missed things like that.

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